This Open Letter to the Clerk I Berated

Dear Clerk I Berated,

I get that you were just doing your job when you said have a nice day. You didn't realize that you were actually oppressing me. But that's what you were doing. By refusing to validate my sacred holiday, you metaphorically slapped me in the face. And I won't stand for that. Today is not just a "Good Day" or a "Happy Holiday." No, today is May the 4th. National Star Wars Day.

So no, I didn't let it pass. Your ignorance of the ways of my people is simply intolerable. In this day and age, you should know better than to assume that this days is just another day. No, this day is the day in which I and many other fans of Star Wars celebrate the fact that your lives have never been the same since the writings of our sacred text first appeared in the stars: "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away."

So perhaps I might have gone too far when I called you a half-witted scruffy-looking nerf-herder. That may have been out of line. It's also possible that my attempts to force-choke you were inappropriate. I just want to assure you, and the security guards you summoned to have me removed from the premises, that it was just because I am passionate about this holiday.

I found your lack of knowledge about my holiday...I don't know,
what's the word? I'm sure it will come to me.

But you're just as much to blame as anyone. You've got a calender. You should see what day this is and act accordingly. You serve the public, and the public, as far as I can tell from the internet, celebrates this day with gusto. Why, I've seen nearly a dozen Facebook posts and a few small mentions on aggregate news sites. So really, you only have yourself to blame for not knowing.

But I suppose my anger really isn't with you, exactly. It's with the holiday itself. Over the years, Star Wars has just gotten too commercial. Nowadays you can't go anywhere without seeing Star Wars toys, t-shirts, books, and every other collectable imaginable. It's gotten so bad that when people think about Star Wars, they don't think about Ewoks or Jar Jar Binks, they think about cheap merchandise.

But you can change all that. From now on, when May the 4th rolls around, wish everyone a Happy Star Wars Day by saying, "May the Fourth be with you!" to all your customers. I think they'll appreciate the fact that you aren't bowing to political correctness.

Forcefully yours,

Charles B. French

More Open Letters

To George Lucas

To Christmas Music
To My Fellow Christians
To Superbowl Commercials
To My Page-A-Day Calender
To Gays
To the Used Game Sticker I Can't Fully Peel Off

To Gay Marriage Opponents

To My Brain

To My DVD Collection

To Paramount 

To My Leftovers